8/24/95 - 6:15 PM

At Al Aire ... (the studio). We were gonna leave, but Jorge (the producer) said, "Let's work until 7." Why not, maybe we can get ahead a little. I haven't had to do a whole lot today. Paco's been in the booth like a bastard, let me tell you. My heavy day comes when they ahve me do ALL the narrations. That's a full day in itself. Been here since around 2 or so.

Sam and I went to Dany Tatoo today to talk prices. The bitch there was pretty rude to us. Sam said something to her, and she was all bitchy 'cause he misunderstood. Gotta go to the booth. More in a sec.

Back. Anyway, she said to him, in Spanish, "Are you Colombian?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Good, then you should understand Spanish very well," she snapped.

Bitch. She was German, too. Acted like she totally couldn't be bothered. Bitchy frau.

We film "Suenos y espejos" tomorrow. Paco is going too. That'll be cool.

8/22/04

Been a long time since I've written. Lots has happened, but I really haven't had much of a desire to write. Biggest thing is, after the Colombo tape thing, I got a gig with Paco and Allura doing this English language series of tapes. We do it this week (today si the first official day of recording) and get paid 480,000 pesos for four or five days of work. That amounts to about 550-600 USD$. Pretty cool.

And, I'm also gonna be on a Colombian soap opera, it looks like. They called here last Friday (Today is Wed.) looking for "monos." Rosa let me know. Went on Friday, but was late. Went on Saturday, but the lady I needed to talk to wasn't there. So, I go back today. If they give me the runaround one more time, I'm gonna tell 'em to shove it, though. I just wanted to do it for fun, but it's turning into an ordeal, now. Only gonna pay me 20-25,000 I think, but it should be a cool experience. I think I'm gonna be a businessman or something. We'll see today. Looks like I'll have a speaking part. I'll have to write it all down when i get to the recording studio after the appointment. Bell rang. First class.

5:25 PM -- At the studio. Paco and Allura are in the booth doing a dialog. This whole thing is pretty tripped out, really. Go to the recording studio and work. I feel like I'm making a rock record or something. I can see why bands arent' into being in the studio. We've been here for only a couple of hours and it feels pretty constricting (or is that restricting? Restrictive? Yeah, I'm an English teacher). Pretty strange.

The "producer" sure does smoke alot, as well as drink a butt-load of coffee. He must be Wired.

Finally made it to the TV thing today. They were very "very" Only way to really describe it. How "lindo" I am and all that. They tried to make me out to be some beautiful studpuppet. I mean, it was cool at first, and I kind of bought into it and all -- but I think I've come to my senses. Also said, "This is TV -- I don't need 'feos.' Feos no me sirven" -- when she asked about my friends (if they were gonna come or not). Great, at least I'm not ugly. Did tell me to try and take care of my face -- recommended clearasil, no lie. Didn't feel too lindo after that, I can assure you. Anyway, I go back at 6:30 AM on Friday. Paco might be coming too. That would be cool, I hope he does. He's a real good guy.

Yeah, "Lindo." Whatever lady, I still sleep alone. Sure wish it were true, though.

Oh yeah, there's another girl that's working with us. Lara. From San Diego. She seems nice. I like her. More later, maybe.

5:45 - Oh yeah - ever more. Apparently they dig my voice here. So much so that I'm doing all the extra voices on this thing. I'm the narrator that was my original job. But nwo, it's the customs agent, the receptionist, taxi driver (got to use a New York accent) and I was just a policeman a couple minutes ago. Funny. It's too bad Astrid can't see me now. She always said I should do shit like this. I will say people have complimented me on my voice beofre, syaing I should do things like this. But Astrid (in college) was always way vocal about it. Haven't talked to her in probably a year and 1/2. I wonder what she's up to.

8/10/95

Haven't written in awhile. Where to begin.

Jerry Garcia died yesterday. That's a real bummer. it's weird, too, because yesterday I was talking w/people at work about him. Tina even borrowed one of my Grateful Dead CDs to copy . She took American Beauty today. When I saw her today, she was like, "Isn't that freaky?" Tina's a cool lady.

I don't see how the Grateful Dead will continue. Jerry seemed to be very much the center of the band. And I never got to see them. My last chance was last April when they played Tampa. Guess I never will.

That'll be strange. No more Dead tours. No more Deadheads.

It's almost as if an entire culture is facing its own extinction. If all that does happen, it'll be a strange thing. The States could be very different. Very strange to think about. Was pretty bummed about it when I heard. In a way, this more unreal than Kurt Cobain killing himself. I mean, the Dead have been around FOREVER. It wasn't supposed to end. Everything ends eventually. I know. But it's always a shock when it ends unexpectedly. Like someone dying, for instance.

Hurricane Erin hit FL last week. Mom had to evacuate, but nothing like when Andrew hit Miami. Pretty lucky. Everyone seems to be OK. Got some clippings in the mail from Mom about it. She ended the letter with "Wish you were here." Yeah, with a hurricane. Me too.

Nitza's mom was supposed to call me that day to tell me. She did -- after my mom had called and told me. Little late, bitch. She wasn't very pleasant, and I didn't really appreciate it too much. Haven't talked to Nitza, either. I think it might be a sign. Of course, every day, it gets harder and harder.

Hung out with one of the new teachers, Allura, the other day. She's cool -- seems like a real run person. Me and some of the teachers are gonna try to see Mana in a few weeks. Only heard a couple of their songs, but it's a show, so we'll see. Could be cool. Hope so.

Recorded some dialog for the oral part of the Final Exam for Courses 7 and 8 today. Get paid 7500 pesos/hour for it. Almost 7$/hr. Pretty cool. And, I 've been immortalized. Did it with Terry and this guy, Tony. Pretty cool. I always hat ethe way I sound on tape, though.

Had a weird dream with my Dad in it the other night. Strange how I move to another country, and I still can't seem to escape him. Sometimes, I just don't think there's an end.

Busy day tomorrow. Subbing from 12-2 (Course 1). That'll be 8 hours teaching with no break. That's OK, though. I really need the hours. Subbing for one of the Mauricios on Monday, too. Another Course 1 from 2-4. At least I have a couple hours to rest then. Need to make up those sick hours if I want to get that bonus. 300,000 pesos. I think I really want that year-end bonus.

Wish I could listen to the Dead right now. I should be able to get my CDs from Tina tomorrow.

Cycle ends in a week. Wheee!

8/3/95

Didn't get to finish that. Simba hadn't returned, but the street guy from before comes out with a wooden owl. Talkin' in Spanish like "This is so cool, want it?" "Wanna buy a stash?"

No lie. This really happened.

Anyway, he says he's dealt me before, and he wants me back as a "cliente." He did me a deal for 1500 pesos. Don't know if I wanna deal with him again, though. Just saw him coming home (I'm in the restaurante). Just walked by. More later, my soup's here.

8/1/04

Yes, my 8-10 class is definitely the biggest pain in the ass. Don't use English, fuck, why do the cute ones suck so bad? More later.

It's a little later, now. Just got back from eating lunch. Can't beat that 1400 peso lunch, y'know? While I was walking down there, this dude (semi-hippie, but not really) started calling out "Mono, Mono" I just kinda ignored him and went on my way. Was looking for Simba, but the kid was nowhere to be found. Ate lunch, it was good.

Anyway, decided to walk back the same way, to see if maybe Simba decided to come back. AD meeting. More later.

7/31/95

In my course one class (8-10). I think they are going to be my more difficult one. Insisting on speaking in Spanish. They may hae to suffer for this. More later, probably.

7/30/95

Listening to Pearl Jam live bootleg. It's been turning into that kind of day. Should probably start from the beginning.

Didn't go out last night. Crashed out pretty early, actually. Wake up today, graded some quizzes, and played basketball. Best of three, as usual. We beat 'em in two. Played w/Edgar, Jack, and Jorge. Probably played best game yet. Had 9 of 32 points in first game. Even got a three pointer. Felt good -- felt like I was actually contributing for a change.

Hung out w/George and his cousin for a while this afternoon. The usual, no big deal. got to eat, though. That was pretty cool. Eating is usually a pretty cool thing.

Ate dinner here at home, was told that having homosexuals around children was "dangerous." What?! Did I hear that right? I made a comment, pretty non-threatening, just wnated to make my opinion known. There was alot more I wanted to say, that's for sure.

No mor dangerous than your average heterosexual is what I say. Edgar even said he wouldn't want them around his children. I would expect that from Claudia G., but hearing it from him really surprised me. Hell, it even surprised me to hear that kind of crap from Cecilia. Leila started it -- her ignorance doesn't surprise me. She really gets on my nerves sometimes. But that whole conversation made me feel so distant from them. I feel very alone in this hosue right now -- and everyone is home. Hell, in the teacher's lounge during breaks I feel pretty damn alone, too. I'm in a room full of maybe 40-50 people and I feel so alone. Only person I know of that feels that way.

Still haven't talked to Claudia. I'm so fucking stupid. Now, it's almost like, "what's the point?"
'Sposed to call Nitza tonight. Don't really feel up to it, but I'll do it anyway. Do what's expected of me. I'll just have to keep the conversation down. 10 mins. That's all.

7/29/04

Well, wound up going out with Andres, Claudia, J.C., and Claudia's friend Sonia Cristina last night. I remember Sonia from when I was here in high school. She's a sweet girl. Very pretty, too. Always seems to be smiling. Anyway, we finally find a place that'll let us in (it was late, and every place was pretty full). We drink a bottle of tequila. Claudia decides to get drunk and tell Sonia all about Nitza, how she loves her so much, and how much of a dick I was to her when she was here. How I didn't take advantage of the time she was here. Nevermind the fact, of course, that Sonia is more or less a total stranger. I seriously didn't appreicate Claudia talking shit about me like that with her. Didn't appreciate her talking shit about me, period. Then Claudia says, "Maybe I don't know everything." That's right, bitch, you don't. Shut the fuck up and pass out. They went to the bathroom and I told J.C. and Andres how pissed I was. They didn't seem to think I was wrong. J.C. wanted to me to talk to her, but not then since she was drunk and it wouldn't have really done any good. Didn't speak to Claudia for the rest of the night, and still haven't. I'm sure she told Sonia this to try and make me look bad enough to keep her uninterested. She was still cool to me for the rest of the night, anyway. HA. Fuck you Claudia. She doens't know about the shit that's happened with Nitza and I. I mentoned the bottle-throwing incident to J.C. and Andres. At least they understand why I can't drink with Nitza. Of course, if Claudia knew, she'd just say she doesn't believe me. Of course. Yeah, she's so perfect. Her relationship is so perfect. I've come to start thinking the past few weeks that Claudia is a bit too self-centered and selfish for my liking.

Yeah, she knows about trouble. About problems. Hard life she's had for the past 24 years, being fed, being taken care of. I fucking know hungry. I haven't struggle dnearly as much as alot of people, but I know what it's like to not know where your next meal is gonna come from. Or how my bills are gonna get paid. Or how the rent will be paid. She's a big Mom fan, too. Too bad she doesn't know how she can afford to buy a 200,000 dollar condo on the beach, yet couldn't send me 50$ to buy some groceries. "Gee, you look so skinny. Why don't you eat?" No money for food, Mom. Hey, how's that beachfront view? Don't mind that noise. It's just my stomach.

No, Claudia can't see or understand any of this. Why should she? Ignorance is a comfortable place to live. Bliss.

She doesn't know about during the divorce, the daily phone calls and all the shit. Nothing affects Mark. That's what people seem to think.

Yeah, the divorce is another thing. Mom acts so shocked. Yeah, sure it was a happy house. No one was happy. she knew it. She was the most vocal about it, for God's sake. The divorce didn't really surprise me. How it happened did, though. I guess it did, at least. Sometimes I think i can't really blame my Dad. I certainly couldn't have dealth with her for so fucking long. I have trouble dealing with her now. But I can't forgive him, and wouldn't mind taking a few year's frustration out on him. Am I a hypocrite?

Yeah, Nitza reminds me of my Mom sometimes, too. The martyr. Always suffers more than you. You think you've got problems? Shit, both of them have suffered ten times more than you have. What the hell are you thinking you stupid fuck? Shut the fuck up and make their wounds better, Now. Suffer for others' stupidity.

"I waited all day.
you waited all day ...
but you left before sunset ...
and I just wanted to tell you
the moment was beautiful
Just wanted to dance to bad music
drive bad cars ...
watch bad TV ...
should have stayed for the sunset ...
if not for me."

Later: Oh yeah, almost forgot. Was cleaning Phoebe's cage earlier today, and she knocks over a glass of water on my nightstand. Ruined my Concrete Blonde flyers and my littel portable alarm clock. I am not happy about this. Not at all. I'm trying to do cool shit for her, and she fucks my stuff up. I love her, but am not too happy with her right now. Can say the same about Claudia I guess. Andy Carvin turns 24 today.

Even later: just got back from hanging with George and his cousin. He wants to hang tonight, but I'd like to go out, and his cousin is only 15. Looks bad about going out tonight. Jack doesn't wanna. Haven't heard from Edgar today, so I doubt we'll be going otu with Yanira, too. Fuck.

Song lyric that keeps going through my head. "How can I keep myself away from me?"

Still haven't talked to Claudia, it's almost 8pm, and now she's not home. Probably wont' see her 'till tomorrow, now. I am such a fuckup.