7/28/95
Almost 5pm - my mood isn't very wonderful right now, either. This seems to happen to me alot. Really pisses me off. I mean, what the fuck can I do? It's become a pretty ugly fucking trend is all I can say.
Thought I was s'posed to (finally) go out w/Edgar, Claudia, and Yanira tonight. Looks like that's a bust, though. Only been talking about it for the past two months. Supposedly she (Yanira) talks to Claudia and talks about how hip she is on going out. This weekend was s'posed to be "fijo". Yeah, sure. Maybe tomorrow night. I doubt it, though. Just talked to George, and he's talking about goin' out for some beers. That may (or may not) turn into something interesting.
Listening to Pearl Jam right now. "Nothingman" is on. This is a way cool song. "And he who forgets, will be destined to remember." Think about it.
Thought about a lot of cool stuff that I wanted to write about yesterday. Wonder what happened to it. That's the weird thing about time - you can really never repeat it, you know? I mean, you can read a book again, watch a movie again. Listen to music again - but you can't truly relive the same moment. You can come close, and it may seem like the same thing. But I don't see how it can really be the same.
It's kind of like when I listen to my live Pearl Jam bootleg. Their set at Lollapalooza '92 was incredible. My parents were splitting up, my life was pretty much in the toilet at the time. And, as soon as those drums started playing "Why Go" at the beginning of the set, I was swept away. It just seemed so personal to me, I don't see how anyone else there could have had the same experience I did. That show really helped me big time. Listening to that bootleg really helps take me back. I can't relive the exact moment, but I can sure try.
Like during "Jeremy" -- raising arms and just screaming. That Manson show right before I came here to Bogota was the same, too. Even told Nitza not to pay too much attention to me. Yelled and screamed alot. Felt so good.
I'm not a violent person, I don't think. But I could use a real violent outlet. Is that a contradiction? Probably. I always think that I'm a pretty calm, peaceful person. But beating the shit out of something, someone would feel pretty good, I think sometimes.
Need a show. Need to thrash around. Need to scream. Need to let it out somehow. Tired of keeping it all in. Wanting is one thing. Needing is something else.
A few minutes later, just mentioned to Jack how much I want to scream out. Told him how it's all balle dup and just waiting to get out. I don't think he really understood that much. Can't really expect anyone else to understand, I guess -- although it doesn't really seem all that abnormal to me. Sometimes it does, though. I wonder what would happen if I didn't get to let i tout. Actually kind of scary, in a way. Could also be scary when it escapes. I guess I'm just scary.
Can I really be all that different than everyone else? Probably. I've come to realize (or at least starting to realize) that anything concerning me is possible. Expect the unexpected. I should put that on a shirt.
Jack wants me to go to the tienda with him. Why the fuck not.
Thought I was s'posed to (finally) go out w/Edgar, Claudia, and Yanira tonight. Looks like that's a bust, though. Only been talking about it for the past two months. Supposedly she (Yanira) talks to Claudia and talks about how hip she is on going out. This weekend was s'posed to be "fijo". Yeah, sure. Maybe tomorrow night. I doubt it, though. Just talked to George, and he's talking about goin' out for some beers. That may (or may not) turn into something interesting.
Listening to Pearl Jam right now. "Nothingman" is on. This is a way cool song. "And he who forgets, will be destined to remember." Think about it.
Thought about a lot of cool stuff that I wanted to write about yesterday. Wonder what happened to it. That's the weird thing about time - you can really never repeat it, you know? I mean, you can read a book again, watch a movie again. Listen to music again - but you can't truly relive the same moment. You can come close, and it may seem like the same thing. But I don't see how it can really be the same.
It's kind of like when I listen to my live Pearl Jam bootleg. Their set at Lollapalooza '92 was incredible. My parents were splitting up, my life was pretty much in the toilet at the time. And, as soon as those drums started playing "Why Go" at the beginning of the set, I was swept away. It just seemed so personal to me, I don't see how anyone else there could have had the same experience I did. That show really helped me big time. Listening to that bootleg really helps take me back. I can't relive the exact moment, but I can sure try.
Like during "Jeremy" -- raising arms and just screaming. That Manson show right before I came here to Bogota was the same, too. Even told Nitza not to pay too much attention to me. Yelled and screamed alot. Felt so good.
I'm not a violent person, I don't think. But I could use a real violent outlet. Is that a contradiction? Probably. I always think that I'm a pretty calm, peaceful person. But beating the shit out of something, someone would feel pretty good, I think sometimes.
Need a show. Need to thrash around. Need to scream. Need to let it out somehow. Tired of keeping it all in. Wanting is one thing. Needing is something else.
A few minutes later, just mentioned to Jack how much I want to scream out. Told him how it's all balle dup and just waiting to get out. I don't think he really understood that much. Can't really expect anyone else to understand, I guess -- although it doesn't really seem all that abnormal to me. Sometimes it does, though. I wonder what would happen if I didn't get to let i tout. Actually kind of scary, in a way. Could also be scary when it escapes. I guess I'm just scary.
Can I really be all that different than everyone else? Probably. I've come to realize (or at least starting to realize) that anything concerning me is possible. Expect the unexpected. I should put that on a shirt.
Jack wants me to go to the tienda with him. Why the fuck not.
posted by spike. | 9:34 PM
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