5/29/95 -- 8:30 P.M.
Sitting downstairs in the kithcen. Just discovered I lost my pen. I'm not used to this one, and my handwriting looks even shittier than usual. Oh well. Back to work tomorrow. On the tail end of a 3-day weekend. Weekend has definitely been strange. Spent all day Saturday being hungover and stressing. Probably deserve it, though. Crashed out around 10 PM. Spent Sunday being cultured, according to Jorge.
Oh yeah, finally got to talk to Giovanna on Saturday, although we still haven't managed to hook up. Should see her this week, though. I'll be real glad to see her. Giovanna always seems to make me feel a little better. Always seems to have a smile on her face, and a hug waiting for me. Kind of like a Colombian version of Carolyn. It amazes me that such a tiny girl can have such a big heart. I swear Giovanna doesn't have a mean bone in her body. I've missed her. Alot of the time, I don't think I deserve to have friends like her. She's getting married on Sept. 23. Haven't met the guy, yet. He better be good to her. If anyone deserves all the good things the world supposedly has to offer, it's her. She's probably one of the few people in this world that I truly love.
Back to Sunday, went to the "Rock al Parque" show w/Edgar and Jorge. Saw Tom's band. Just three guys, all instrumental. They rocked. Saw a couple of pretty weak ones after that and Jorge and I went to eat lunch. Wicked food. Felt good to eat. When we got back to the show, we hooked up w/Tom for a few minutes and checked out this band that totally rocked. Real heavy bass a la Primus. Too bad I can't remember their name. Tom told me, but it was so loud that I didn't catch it. Probably about 1000 people there. People were way into 'em. Wish they'd played longer. That's really what I was needing at the time.
Caught a soccer game w/Jack, Jorge, and Miguel Angel, too. Millos v. Nacional. Millos won, 3-2. Good game -- serious potential for violence. Apparently a pretty big rivalry. One Nacional player got a red card, and when the coach went out to bitch about it, like coaches are s'posed to do, some clown threw a bottle at his head and missed by inches. Coach wasn't pleased. I can't really blame him. Soccer fans here are brutal.
Nitza called that night, too. Weird conversation. Wasn't too comfortable with it, and it's making me think things may not work out. Very confused about it all. Less than two weeks ago, we were crying and holding each other, and now she seems so distant. Way more than a physical distance. She's calling again on Wed. night. Way nervous about that. Also told me she 'shroomed on Sat. nite w/Jeff and Aaron. That kinda pissed me off. I must be some kind of monstrous hypocrite. Got off the phone with her feeling pretty low. Sat up for awhile trying to think shit out -- but I don't even know what I'm supposed to be thinking most of the time. I can't be as crazy as I'm feeling, can I? "Probably, Mark."
Spent the day playing basketball (we lost) and reading and trying to think. Thinking is the hardest. Also shaved my goatee off this morning. I think I'll be growing it back. I feel so naked without it. At least I could hide behind it when I had it. Feel way too exposed without it. Told J.C. that I felt like my face looked like a penis. Sounds weird, but it's true.
Andres and Pato came by today, too. Got his new # and address as he just moved. Pato gave me an invitation to her graduation and reception. Don't really want to go, as things with them have been kind of strained since J.C.'s accident on the motorcycle. Pato really freaked on that one. LIke it was her bike. J.C.'s leg was all fucke dup, and sh was worried about the bike. J.C. feels the same about goin as I do.
Listening to Marley, "Could You Be Loved?" No, probably not.
Back to work tomorrow. Kinda glad. Sometimes, I feel so lost on the weekends -- like I don't have a purpose. Kinda nervous about tomorrow, though. Been thinking about the whole deal with Tatiana this weekend. Don't udnerstand it. I really hope things are better tomorrow. She's a pretty cool girl, and it would be nice if she felt good about me, too. Probably asking too much, thought. That guy George called me again today. I think I'm gonna want to distance myself from him. He can be real annoying. It's always drugs, pussy, and how you should fuck this and that. "Yo." That New York tough guy bullshit wears real old real quick. That's definitely not me. I'm definitely a much nicer guy than he is. Being nice isn't always such a wonderful thing, but I'd rather be nice, than be like him. Just need to try and be Mark -- whoever or whatever that may be. Anyway, like I said, I hope things are cooler between Tatiana and I tomorrow.
Saw this Gatorade commerical today, "Life's A Sport." No, it's not. Life is confusion and not being sure of yourself. Mine is, anyway.
Oh yeah, finally got to talk to Giovanna on Saturday, although we still haven't managed to hook up. Should see her this week, though. I'll be real glad to see her. Giovanna always seems to make me feel a little better. Always seems to have a smile on her face, and a hug waiting for me. Kind of like a Colombian version of Carolyn. It amazes me that such a tiny girl can have such a big heart. I swear Giovanna doesn't have a mean bone in her body. I've missed her. Alot of the time, I don't think I deserve to have friends like her. She's getting married on Sept. 23. Haven't met the guy, yet. He better be good to her. If anyone deserves all the good things the world supposedly has to offer, it's her. She's probably one of the few people in this world that I truly love.
Back to Sunday, went to the "Rock al Parque" show w/Edgar and Jorge. Saw Tom's band. Just three guys, all instrumental. They rocked. Saw a couple of pretty weak ones after that and Jorge and I went to eat lunch. Wicked food. Felt good to eat. When we got back to the show, we hooked up w/Tom for a few minutes and checked out this band that totally rocked. Real heavy bass a la Primus. Too bad I can't remember their name. Tom told me, but it was so loud that I didn't catch it. Probably about 1000 people there. People were way into 'em. Wish they'd played longer. That's really what I was needing at the time.
Caught a soccer game w/Jack, Jorge, and Miguel Angel, too. Millos v. Nacional. Millos won, 3-2. Good game -- serious potential for violence. Apparently a pretty big rivalry. One Nacional player got a red card, and when the coach went out to bitch about it, like coaches are s'posed to do, some clown threw a bottle at his head and missed by inches. Coach wasn't pleased. I can't really blame him. Soccer fans here are brutal.
Nitza called that night, too. Weird conversation. Wasn't too comfortable with it, and it's making me think things may not work out. Very confused about it all. Less than two weeks ago, we were crying and holding each other, and now she seems so distant. Way more than a physical distance. She's calling again on Wed. night. Way nervous about that. Also told me she 'shroomed on Sat. nite w/Jeff and Aaron. That kinda pissed me off. I must be some kind of monstrous hypocrite. Got off the phone with her feeling pretty low. Sat up for awhile trying to think shit out -- but I don't even know what I'm supposed to be thinking most of the time. I can't be as crazy as I'm feeling, can I? "Probably, Mark."
Spent the day playing basketball (we lost) and reading and trying to think. Thinking is the hardest. Also shaved my goatee off this morning. I think I'll be growing it back. I feel so naked without it. At least I could hide behind it when I had it. Feel way too exposed without it. Told J.C. that I felt like my face looked like a penis. Sounds weird, but it's true.
Andres and Pato came by today, too. Got his new # and address as he just moved. Pato gave me an invitation to her graduation and reception. Don't really want to go, as things with them have been kind of strained since J.C.'s accident on the motorcycle. Pato really freaked on that one. LIke it was her bike. J.C.'s leg was all fucke dup, and sh was worried about the bike. J.C. feels the same about goin as I do.
Listening to Marley, "Could You Be Loved?" No, probably not.
Back to work tomorrow. Kinda glad. Sometimes, I feel so lost on the weekends -- like I don't have a purpose. Kinda nervous about tomorrow, though. Been thinking about the whole deal with Tatiana this weekend. Don't udnerstand it. I really hope things are better tomorrow. She's a pretty cool girl, and it would be nice if she felt good about me, too. Probably asking too much, thought. That guy George called me again today. I think I'm gonna want to distance myself from him. He can be real annoying. It's always drugs, pussy, and how you should fuck this and that. "Yo." That New York tough guy bullshit wears real old real quick. That's definitely not me. I'm definitely a much nicer guy than he is. Being nice isn't always such a wonderful thing, but I'd rather be nice, than be like him. Just need to try and be Mark -- whoever or whatever that may be. Anyway, like I said, I hope things are cooler between Tatiana and I tomorrow.
Saw this Gatorade commerical today, "Life's A Sport." No, it's not. Life is confusion and not being sure of yourself. Mine is, anyway.
posted by spike. | 9:18 PM
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