May 25, '95 -- Teacher's Lounge
"I wear this fucking mask because you could not handle me" -- Marilyn Manson
That phrase (actually that part of the song) keeps pulsing through my head. I hate to sound melodramatic, but I think it kinda rings true. Been feelin' like that quite a bit lately. I feel so phony sometimes, but it's not like you can tell people everything about you. I know I can't. But yesterday, when I was Tatiana, opening up wasn't all that hard. Probably because she was so open so quickly. All that stuff about her ex b/f beating the shit out of her really freaked me out. I almost wish I hadn't asked her about him. But, i'ts cool that she was so open with me about it -- especially considering how that was really the first time we had hung out/talked. Felt so terrible -- what can you possibly say? "Gee, sorry." Felt like an idiot.
Talked about Edith, too. I start to get upset about it now -- it's weird. When Mom told me, I was kind of detatched. Seems more real later, I guess. Tatiana noticed it, too. I guess you could say we shared uncomfortable moments. She's way cool, I really dig her. Easy to talk to, lots o'fun, too. "I think I'll keep her." She got to see Mark start to remove his mask. Felt good. Just need to relax, now.
Later -- Coffee makes me jittery. Yep.
1:00 P.M. -- even later ...
Waiting for some guy to take me to the DA. Whee. Just got done talking to Tatiana about informing everyone about my smoking habits. I feel like things are kind of strange between us, right now. Kind of like there is a wall that just got thrown up. I think she senses it, too. It's weird. I really hope this doesn't last for too long -- actually I hope it doesn't last at all. Hanging with her last night was so much fun, and she truly seems like a wonderful person. But the person I just talked to is not the same one I was with last night. I'd really like to have that one back. But, hell, I could also be imagining all this. It probably wouldn't be the first time I've invented some bullshit to worry myself over.
Now I don't have to go to the DAS. "Can you wait until Tuesday?" Yeah, I can. Just like I wanted to do originally. Oh well, can't really complain. Still feel kind of weird about Tatiana, though. I wish I didn't. I hope it goes away.
That phrase (actually that part of the song) keeps pulsing through my head. I hate to sound melodramatic, but I think it kinda rings true. Been feelin' like that quite a bit lately. I feel so phony sometimes, but it's not like you can tell people everything about you. I know I can't. But yesterday, when I was Tatiana, opening up wasn't all that hard. Probably because she was so open so quickly. All that stuff about her ex b/f beating the shit out of her really freaked me out. I almost wish I hadn't asked her about him. But, i'ts cool that she was so open with me about it -- especially considering how that was really the first time we had hung out/talked. Felt so terrible -- what can you possibly say? "Gee, sorry." Felt like an idiot.
Talked about Edith, too. I start to get upset about it now -- it's weird. When Mom told me, I was kind of detatched. Seems more real later, I guess. Tatiana noticed it, too. I guess you could say we shared uncomfortable moments. She's way cool, I really dig her. Easy to talk to, lots o'fun, too. "I think I'll keep her." She got to see Mark start to remove his mask. Felt good. Just need to relax, now.
Later -- Coffee makes me jittery. Yep.
1:00 P.M. -- even later ...
Waiting for some guy to take me to the DA. Whee. Just got done talking to Tatiana about informing everyone about my smoking habits. I feel like things are kind of strange between us, right now. Kind of like there is a wall that just got thrown up. I think she senses it, too. It's weird. I really hope this doesn't last for too long -- actually I hope it doesn't last at all. Hanging with her last night was so much fun, and she truly seems like a wonderful person. But the person I just talked to is not the same one I was with last night. I'd really like to have that one back. But, hell, I could also be imagining all this. It probably wouldn't be the first time I've invented some bullshit to worry myself over.
Now I don't have to go to the DAS. "Can you wait until Tuesday?" Yeah, I can. Just like I wanted to do originally. Oh well, can't really complain. Still feel kind of weird about Tatiana, though. I wish I didn't. I hope it goes away.
posted by spike. | 9:10 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home